Mom, Dad, and Nay.

Well, this is the second time in my life that I've done Thanksgiving without you...and I hate it. I miss you all so very much...Mom, remember our annual day after Thanksgiving shopping dates?How we used to outlaw Dad and Nay because they were so SLOOOW!! Remember that year that I went and picked up the two guitar hero's and you came and met me to pay for em? Great memories... Dad, do you remember on November 21 going at 12:00 AM to stand in line for my 360 to get it the day it came out? How COLD it was?! We got escorted through Best Buy and everything! That was so much fun...wish we could do it all over again... Renee, I still remember one year mom came a little bit later in the morning to get some stuff on black Friday and I asked where you were, and mom said "Oh, shes asleep!" I got home, woke you up, and we went out shopping at the mall!!

I miss you guys so much...this really isn't a holiday without you guys around. It's just another day of the year that I miss you more than normal. You truly make the holidays holidays, and without you, they aren't nearly as much fun. I can't wait to see you in less than a month for Christmas!

Who would have thought it would be this hard

When no one seems to understand….

When you had a bad relationship and cant get away from not seeing her….

When you have a lot of work and nothing to show for it….

When you feel un appreciated…..

When you pray and nothing changes…..

Man, mom. How did you know exactly how I feel...I can't put it into words. The only thing that comes out is I don't know. How can you express when your heart just hurts? Is there even words created to describe that? I'm sorry that I can't describe why I feel how I feel. But even still...my best isn't cutting it. I work so hard...and I'm moving backwards. I never thought it would be so hard to motivate myself to keep trying. I hate how I always feel...and I try to change. And I pray for change. But change isn't visible. Why can't it just all be over? Why can't my heart just feel better. Why can't I change my mindset? Sure...I knew it would hurt for a while. But this long? And does it all stem from that? Is that where the issues came to the surface? I have been trying to fix it all, but it breaks faster than I can fix it...; I just want you to acknowledge that I exist. God...fix me. You're all I have left.