Life is definitely not easy...pain, heartache, and depression are so close to us at all times that it is impossible to ignore. Right now...I'm still hurting. I struggle so much with the idea that it's completely my fault; that surely there is something I could have done to fix the issue... Pain is an interesting thing...it grips the heart. Fills up your soul, busies your mind. It is so easy to dwell in pain, just ride it for who knows how long. Then because of the pain, people you come in contact with never see the real you. Everytime we get hurt, we seem to lose a part of ourselves. We close, little by little. I am so scared that because I have been hurt, I won't be able to trust again. It is so tough to not let people deal with hurt that never involved them in the first place. While discussing this with my dad, he told me that the only thing that I can do is to just let it go. Just to say "God, here it is. I give it to you. I don't want to carry this anymore, so I give it to you." I find that I remind myself of this daily. When that pain grips my heart, I just say "God, I let it go. You know the pain I carry and the worry that I have, but I give it to you. It isn't mine to carry anymore...you alone hold my future, so I release this worry. I give it all to you."
As I'm finding, this isn't an easy prayer to pray. To pray this, you have to mean it; to mean it, you have to let it go. Even if you don't want to. It's so funny how we have this pain, yet we still seem to thrive on it. Why is that? Maybe because we can use it at a crutch or an excuse? Maybe to justify how we act and base our decisions later on in life? How does that even help us? Why should a person I come into contact with have to deal with the pain from before? Just let it go! We have the option for it to be lifted from us, yet we squeeze it so tightly like its a safety blanket. At some point, a child needs to learn to grow without their safety blanket...can you imagine if adults just continued to carry them around in life? Yet that is exactly what we do with our lives! We clutch our pain and our "woe is me" for so long that it stunts who we are. We cease to realize that it doesn't just affect you, it affects those you care about and those who would like to care about you. "God, I let it go." And yet, those 5 words are still so difficult to say. I love instant results, but some things aren't that easy. The more I pray this, the deeper it gets into my spirit. Even after a while, when I pray these words, the pain hurts even greater. But I HAVE to do it, or I will be an adult stunted in my maturity, carrying around my safety blanket for the world to see. So I challenge you, just as I challenge myself. Don't dwell in the past. Don't fear the future. Give it up with open arms.
Ryan, giving our painful experiences over to God and truly letting them go is never easy and it's harder for some people than it is for others. 2 Corinthians ch. 1 (esp. vs. 4) tells us God comforts us in our suffering that we may later turn around and comfort others. In fact, that's what I'm doing for you right now. We do have the choise to become bitter or to become better after going through painful experiences. I was fascinated by the comments of a holocaust survivor that I saw on television awhile ago. He was very POSITIVE and upbeat! Many holocaust survivors I'd previously seen interviewed were filled with bitterness and hatred following their horrible experiences. THIS guy said something to the effect of, "the Nazis took away those years and did horrible things to me and my family but I WASN'T GOING TO LET THEM RUIN THE REST OF MY LIFE!" and he didn't. He built a successful business and had a good life with friends and family. You will trust people again and you will get hurt again. So will I. But it is our faith in God and our personal choices as to what to do with those experiences that makes all the differenct.
ReplyDeleteRemember Ry, wounded people wound people, hurting people hurt people but healing people heal people...You have the capacity to heal people!
ReplyDeleteRy, remember thruout life you will have many hurts of one kind or another, but they never sem as bad as that first real hurt....the first one is a real shock but then you realize "that's just life" and then you realize that this is one of the ways God prepares you to minister to others and without these hurts you might not be able to feel the hurts of others.....and without those feelings you can't be really ministering to others in need......
ReplyDeleteRy, We are very proud of your accomplishments and pray for you every day.....This hurt will diminish but might never leave completely, for God may be using this for specificx purpose in you life!!!!!!
Mema and Pop-poo