I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.
You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.
I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.
Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:
People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.
See? It’s simple. :)
See? It's that simple...let's unpack this, shall we? Life isn't that difficult...when we grow older, the problems don't get less...we just categorize them differently. When I was a teenager (even my first year at college), life was "girl problems, money problems, family problems, friend problems, friend's problems (notice the apostrophe and context...), car problems, class problems, music class problems, room-mate problems, room problems, authority problems, etc. etc. etc...you get the drift. Now...there are life problems, Ryan problems, and other people problems. Narrowed down through time...
Now, as you may notice...I did not censor the article. John's exact words are
We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other.
When I read that part...I break. He wants the best for his loved ones. Don't we all? He goes out on weekends to have sex and drinks so he can be himself without minding who he is. He is desperate to be understood. Insert your name there. You go out on weekends to have sex. Ok, so if you are reading this, you probably don't, but catch my drift here. America equates sex with fun. It equates sex with arrival. It equates sex with sales. Maybe you aren't having sex...but what are you doing on the weekends simply because you enjoy it? You drink so you can be yourself and not mind who you are......*pause here and think on that*.....
Are you happy with who you are? How often do we cover up who we are? How often do we act differently because we don't like who we are? How often do we buy something thinking "This is what I WISHED I like/was/could be." How often do we act differently just so those around us don't see what we are really like? In this line of thought...how desperate are we to be understood? AND we want to know that someone has felt that way too... We hate being judged unfairly, and our innermost being craves for that person who misjudged us to realize they did and admit they were wrong.
If your insides are turning...read that again until they do. This is a guy who has it ALL. A big name, a great face, money, cars, any woman he desires, and multiple platinum selling records. And he feels this way. Just like you and me. And he puts it out there to read. And people just like him ponder it the same way he has. And they still come up empty...
Since I imagine you have been reading closely, you may say "RYAN! You missed a paragraph!". I did it because I wanted to save it for last.
We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant.
I'm 20 years old. I'm still young. I'm still figuring out life. But I do know this: I have no desire to be in a relationship to be made happy. I don't crave a girl telling me that I look good, that I'm strong, or that I sing well. I want to be in a relationship so I can say "Wow. You look great. You make me happy. You sing well." "We don't want to be in a relationship to hear the words "I love you." We want to be in a relationship to say the words "I love you". I don't want to be in a relationship to hear the words "I love you". I want to be in a relationship to say the words "I love you". "We want to feel needed, and exceptional, and we hate feeling insignificant." *another thinking break...let that sink in*
We all want to feel needed, and we hate feeling insignificant. Do I need to elaborate? Didn't think so. This last paragraph has rocked me, even writing it. I have felt this way for 6 months...thinking these exact words myself. And the person who penned it perfectly wasn't a pastor, theologian, or missionary. It was a 30 year old musician who has no relationship with Jesus. Does that anger you? Does that make you say "Irrelevant. He's not saved. Throw it out."
You know what Jesus said? "I don't want to be in a relationship just to hear you say "I love you"; I want to be in this relationship to say the same thing back. Through me, you are no longer insignificant. Through me, you are made perfect. Through me, you no longer have to search. Through me, you no longer have to be ashamed. Through me, you no longer have to have sex on the weekends to feel good, and you no longer need to drink to make you like who you are. I made you. I already like who you are, as I made you perfect, without spot, blemish or fault."
I end with this...
Something's missing
And I dont know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I dont know what it is
At all
John Mayer wrote those words. The song is Something's Missing. The album is Heavier Things. He is so close to Jesus...because guess who created him. John, I pray for you every day. I hope you find what you are looking for.
